Why we can feel successful but not fulfilled in life after competition.
Most people who live in the more serious levels of sport have the same list in their heads while they are competing. We compile a list of all the cool things we are going to do once we are done competing. It could be to shatter their training diet, or to drastically change some element of their workout routine that they hate, or even to take on some fun hobby or adventure that their competitive schedule has prevented them from pursuing over the years. Often times, the list is composed of things that are really just an expression of our desire to be free to choose what we can not in competition. We glamorize what we deny ourselves. Most of us have this list in mind, and also a clear awareness of why it is that we deprive ourselves of experiences in the first place. We know, though sometimes begrudgingly, that these things simply do not make it on the priority list that is demanded by our competition. If we are going to play, we have to postpone certain experiences or items.
Priorities that are a part of competition are fairly well set, and not by the individual competitor. They are set first of all by the demands of the sport itself and what is required to give us an edge over increasingly skilled opponents. We forgo certain unhealthy foods, miss out on fun experiences or life events, or even personal relationships that are a part of ‘normal’ life. Our days and priorities are given form by trainers and coaches, and we learn that as we move up, if we want to succeed, we need to shift our own priorities in favor of improving our performance or in contributing to the success of the team. We miss out on birthdays or family vacations, but we know why. Our own desire to compete successfully drives that sacrifice, but the priorities beyond that belong to other people. This starts in the very early moments of our competitive experience, and becomes a given in our mindset as we grow and develop as people.
This is the first of two paradoxes. That, in order to meet the demands of our priority to succeed, we have to sacrifice most other things that, while they may be important to us, may not contribute to our success within our sport. The team and the game are the priority.
So, what happens then when we are done competing? Do we have the chance to fulfill the items on that list of things we always wanted to do? The answers to that question will vary as widely as do the people who answer. The end of competition can feel both liberating and constraining at the same time. In one way, we are finally free to determine our own priorities. In another, we now bear the responsibility of determining our own priorities. No longer will we have a coach or a trainer telling us what to do or what not to do. It’s up to us now. Having the freedom to choose our own priorities also means that there are an almost unlimited range of things available to us.
This is the second paradox. In stepping out of the competitive world, we gain the freedom to establish our own values and priorities. The challenge comes when we realize that, for much of our lives, we have not had that freedom or the responsibility that comes from it. We now have to make up our own minds as to what will be important to us. This freedom also brings with it a broadened range of opportunities, and a lack of clear requirements to guide us. We have to establish our own.
Establishing priorities is something that we all do, whether we do it intentionally or accidentally. Our actions reflect what’s important to us. At times, we think through options that either exist to us in a moment, or that we wish to create in the future. In other moments, we react to our surroundings. We may choose to eat healthy foods or binge on treats that were not a part of our training table, choose to work out or not, or choose to attend any event open to us. With those options, our choices can either be made intentionally or not. Either way, choices require some form of values within our minds that shapes our priorities. If we think through what’s important to us and make decisions accordingly, our actions feel more fulfilling because they are connected to our values. If we just drift along, making decisions based on whatever whim we are feeling in a moment, we are still prioritizing things – we just may not be aware of what they are, or how consistent they may be with what’s really important to us.
One of the key distinctions we make with Competitor Shift is that between ‘Success’ and ‘Fulfillment’. By our working definition, Success comes when we reach goals that are important to society as a whole. Things like social status, career advancement, and financial gain are all widely held measures of success. Fulfillment, by our notion, is when we reach goals that are important to us as individuals. We reach goals that are important to us personally, and are consistent with our values and our priorities. These two things can absolutely be the same thing, but it’s also possible that they are not. Like most things in life, the answer is deeply personal.
Which brings us to the notion of priorities. As athletes, our priorities are set for us and based upon the clear idea of performance in our sport. As people who exist outside of the world of sports, however, we are responsible for deciding what will be a priority, and what won’t. If we prioritize things that we personally find to be important and valuable, advancing in those areas will feel fulfilling. If we let other people set our priorities for us, it becomes less likely that the goals we set and the things we do will ultimately lead us to feel fulfilled.
This sums up one of the most difficult parts of transitioning to life after sports. We go from a world where what’s important to us is set for us, to one in which we get to decide on our own. If we prioritize goals and actions that are based on what we truly feel is important, we will feel fulfilled when we attain in those areas. If we let others choose, we could very well attain things that are widely defined as indicators of success and NOT feel fulfilled within our own minds.
The post-competitive process of finally being able to choose from a wider set of possibilities beyond our sport can be both a relief and overwhelming. Yes, we do have the ability to fill out that list of things we’ve always wanted to do, and well we should. Ultimately, though, taking the time to think through what is truly important to us, and what steps we need to take to reach those goals is the most efficient and effective way to arrive at those treasured moments of fulfillment.