Does the manner in which our competitive careers end impact our pursuit of fulfillment beyond?
There are any number of different circumstances that can bring about the ending of a competitive career. We can be cut from a team, be injured in ways that diminish our effectiveness, simply age out of some required age span, or we may simply reach a point where we are no longer driven to compete. The circumstances are as varied as the individual athletes who experience them. How, then, can we try to understand the ways in which these varying endings impact our experience beyond them?
We can start by reducing these experiences to broader definitions as a means both of understanding them and discussing them. First of all, some endings come about as a result of our own personal choice, and others are a result of circumstances beyond our control. Did you choose to stop competing, or was that ending put upon you by factors beyond your control? Was it some combination of the two?
By understanding this fundamental factor, we can dive in on accepting the fallout of these endings, and develop an understanding of how best to move forward. Our outlook on circumstances that occur due to reasons beyond our control can be dramatically different than those we choose to experience.
While we shouldn’t minimize the emotional fallout of any emotional experiences, endings that are not of our choosing can be more straightforward to understand. We simply encountered circumstances that made continuing no longer possible. We did not choose it – we just ran into a situation that resulted in the ending of our competitive career. This in no way minimizes any feelings of regret, anger, or sadness that we may experience. Those are real.
An ending that comes about as a result of our choices can be challenging to accept. Choices are always made in the best way possible given the time, circumstances, and our state in the moment in which the choice was made. Few people would actually choose an outcome that was NOT in our best interest, and even if we did, there would be some reason why we made that choice. It’s always important to remember why we made a choice when we made it.
Our brains are wired to seek out connections. Specifically, we gravitate toward logical, cause and effect relationships. “If…Then.” statements are the clearest example of this type of logic, and that kind of thinking often dominates our thought patterns in a variety of areas. This works in our favor if we are trying to solve a problem, or if we are trying not to be killed by a poisonous snake. (If the snake makes a rattling sound, then it can kill me…)
That said, our brains can also be pesky like things when they apply those same rules in reverse. (If only I hadn’t petted that rattling snake, then I wouldn’t have been bitten.) This is one of the key features in developing regrets. Our brains apply the same thought pattern to the endof our career: “If only I had tried out again,” or “If I had worked out harder.” The thought pattern is how we are wired. This makes regrets a pretty natural part of life, and hopefully allows us to learn lessons from our past. That said, as of yet we haven’t invented a time machine that allows us to go back and change anything, so looking back obsessively isn’t productive.
How, then, do we go about making use of these thought patterns without allowing them to become unhealthy preoccupations? This is the topic of today’s discussion.
Questions for Discussion:
- Did you choose to stop competing, or was that choice made for you?
- Was there no choice? Career ending injury? Some other outside factor? If so, is it easier or harder that you did not choose to continue?
- What are some strategies that you have, or could, use to have a healthy outlook on the way in which you ended your career?