Where they come from determines the amount of fulfillment we experience.

One of the ‘givens’ of competitive sports, whether individual or team oriented, is that success starts with having clear and attainable goals. The starting point of any progress is setting the right direction, and that all starts with where you want to wind up. Some of the goals we set as athletes are smaller and more immediate; training goals, personal records, mastering certain techniques and so on. Those smaller goals add up to the achievement of a larger goal down the road; making a team, winning a competition or championship, or realizing some level of performance that is of value to you. We grow up with this mindset from a very early age, and it becomes a part of our thought patterns. It is also a key concept in personal fulfillment. 

The root of the word ‘Fulfillment’ is a verb. It starts with “To Fulfill” or to complete a promise or a goal. An experience feels fulfilling because it is, by its nature, the completion of some kind of task that is important to us. It feels great because we have been able to reach some important level or outcome that we hadn’t before. Or to put it another way, we have achieved a goal. Conversely, we can not experience fulfillment if we do not have goals, and we don’t eventually reach them. Setting goals that are important to us, and coming up with achievable steps to reach those goals is central to experiencing fulfillment.  

Setting goals in competitive life is something that we do as an expected part of the competitive experience. It’s just a given. Sometimes those goals are set for us by coaches, or by the structure of competition itself. Making a team requires rising above others who want that same spot. Winning requires out-performing your competition. It stands to reason, then, that most competitors become goal-oriented just by the nature of growing up in that atmosphere. Goals are built into the experience. The feelings of fulfillment that came from our competitive experiences are connected directly to achieving those goals. 

Life, on the other hand, is not structured so neatly. Goals are not presented to us automatically or inherently built into the experience. We have to identify things that are important to us, and develop the ability and the steps to reach those goals. If our goals are based on things that are of value to other people or society as a whole, achieving them may not feel as fulfilling as those based on our own internal values. On the other hand, if we value the same things that are important to society as a whole, achieving those goals will leave us feeling just fine. 

This disconnection explains the reason why so many people can be seen as successful, and yet not feel fulfilled. The goals that they are working to reach are set by values not their own. In order to find personal fulfillment, we need to be able to identify goals that are based upon our own personal values, and take steps to achieve them. That means taking the time to identify what is REALLY important to us, and how those values show up in our lives. Many people do not take the time to think through what is really important to them; they move through life in pursuit of goals given to them by the world around them. 

This sets the starting point for a change to greater meaning and fulfillment – taking responsibility for identifying those values, and thus goals that come from them.